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Monday, December 31, 2018

Do Something Different


I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. Or even the newer trend of choosing a word for the year. But as I drove into church Sunday morning, I found myself contemplating the phrase "Do Something Different."

My sister had given a lesson with that message at our Celebrate Recovery meeting on Thursday evening. She had shared that doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity. Instead, we need to recognize that what we’ve been doing isn’t working and then do something different.

Friday morning, I sat in my psychologist’s office hearing basically the same thing. He pointed out that the value of the therapy we were applying was in being self-aware, recognizing the influence of the past in my reactions, and choosing to do something different in the present… something I was incapable of as a child. In my case, the “do something different” was to find my voice… and chip away at the lie that my voice, my feelings, were unimportant.

Later that evening, facing a small hurt, and trying to gather the courage to give voice to my feelings instead of simply shutting down and withdrawing, I found myself silently repeating to myself, “Do something different… do something different....” In the end, I did do something differently. I did find my voice. And it ended well. It felt good. Progress.

In the midst of all that, a friend had posted on Facebook asking people to share an accomplishment, favorite memory, or goal met during 2018. After some reflection, Saturday evening I wrote:
Losing 35 pounds since the end of September, dropping my insulin and getting blood sugar numbers greatly reduced with diet alone. BUT - even bigger than that for me... is finding my voice... including speaking in front of 385 people in our church about the effects of the childhood sexual abuse in my past and what Celebrate Recovery could do – not only for addictions, but recovery/restoration from all sorts of hurts, habits, hangups... and leading a small group for survivors of abuse. Huge for an introvert. Huge for someone whose PTSD includes feeling like I don't have a voice. Yeah... I feel really good about that, the healing it shows, and the work it has taken to get there. :)
I did feel really good about it. My friend’s question gave me not only an invitation to reflect and recognize, but also an invitation to celebrate the accomplishment. That, in itself, is a “do something different” for me. I tend to not even recognize my growth and accomplishments, let alone celebrate them. Instead, I usually downplay them. But this time, through her invitation, I reflected... recognized... shared... and celebrated! All kinds of “do something different” going on there!

All that was on my mind as I headed to church Sunday morning. Finding my voice. Doing something different. The growth I’d seen and celebrated. And the knowledge that this was just the beginning of what was looking to be an exciting journey – a journey that's been scary to contemplate at times. And I considered that “do something different” just might be something I need to keep in front of me for the new year. I’d never chosen a word for the new year before… but this phrase… at this moment.... It seemed right. And it seemed time. Worth considering, at least.

A little while later I sat listening to the Sunday morning message. Our pastor led us to Joshua… “Be strong and courageous.”

I quickly flashed to a counseling session just a few weeks ago. My psychologist had asked me what I felt God was wanting to say to me in that moment. I’d hedged, afraid of mistaking my own voice/thoughts for God’s. I’d said I had no clear answer, but agreed to pray about it. A few moments later, my counselor had opened his Bible to Joshua 1:9, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” I’d laughed out loud and admitted that "Be strong and courageous" was actually what had come to my mind when he'd asked his earlier question. He'd smiled and commented about seeing God’s fingerprints all over that. I knew he was right. And I've got to admit,  the affirmation had felt good.

So here I sat on a Sunday morning just a few weeks later with my pastor leading us to the same passage… “be strong and courageous.” Not only that, but he was teaching a message on change (my “do something different!”). He laid out the circumstance of the passage – Moses had just died. Joshua was taking over. And he was preparing to lead his people into the promised land (after 400 years in Egypt and 40 years wandering in the desert). Talk about change and new beginnings! But what amazed me was that our pastor's message was blending the exact two themes I’ve seen in my life in the last few weeks: Be strong and courageous; Do something different. Wow. God’s fingerprints? How could I think anything else?

So, yeah. I think I’ve got my direction and phrase for the year.

Do something different.

No... actually... it's more than that.

Be strong and courageous – do something different.

And... with a promise...

"Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."


-jenn

Oh! And just because I'm working on sharing and celebrating... here's a video of my message to our church....