31 Days of...

I saw it on my Facebook feed this morning. Someone shared a link: "31 Days – A Writing Challenge Every October, Every Day." The goal is to consistently write something every day for the entire month of October. It was intriguing. And yet it was scary.

I have to admit that consistency has been a problem for me. So far this year, I've managed to hit "publish" on eight blog posts. Not even an average of one per month. And this has been a good year. I started blogging in April of 2009 and had eleven posts that year. In 2010 I had three. Both 2011 and 2012 held a hefty two posts each. In 2013, I jumped up to ten and 2014 was six. Yeah... consistency hasn't exactly been my forte. So having something to challenge me and give me a jumpstart might be good, right? But then I went to the website to look at the details. Thirty-one days of writing every day... but no prompts. I have to figure out something to say for 31 days on my own?! And... worse than that... you are supposed to pick a topic – a single topic – to write about for each of those 31 days?! Ummm... yeah. I don't think I can write about anything for 31 days straight. I couldn't think of a single topic I wanted to commit to.

And then I saw it. The fear. Identified by my psychologist over two years ago... I'm afraid I don't have anything worth saying. Actually... to be more precise... I'm afraid I don't have anything anyone will find worth listening to. As I considered that... and considered writing what I am putting to paper now... the irony hit me. It's October. The stores have been showcasing their halloween decorations for well over a month already. Halloween isn't something my family celebrates. You'll notice I didn't even capitalize it in the first sentence – I won't give it that importance. I'll follow grammar rules if it's the beginning of a sentence, but that's it. A holiday that celebrates fear (as well as darker things) just doesn't seem to line up with who I want to be... with who God calls me to be. After all, how many times do we see "fear not" in the Bible?

Sorry... little rabbit trail there... So, where was I? Oh yeah. Part of me really wanted to participate in the 31 days of writing (or at least figured it'd be good for me), but I just couldn't figure out how to do it. What could I write about? And suddenly I was staring my problem in the face: a very real fear of not having anything to say... of not having anything worth listening to. Fear. October. Halloween. Smack My Head.

Welcome to my...

31 Days of... Fear (and Truth):

• Day 1: I am afraid I don't have anything worth saying.
  Truth: Exodus 4:12
• Day 2: I am afraid of being wrong.
  Truth: Phil 2:4-9; 1 Peter 5:5-7
• Day 3: I am afraid of not being good enough; not being chosen.
  Truth: Is. 41:8-9; Is. 43:1; Is 43:3)
• Day 4: I am afraid of being the first to admit desire for a relationship.
  (Truth: 1 John 4:19; Romans 5:8; John 13:14; John 15:12; 16-17)
• Day 5: I am afraid of conflict and confrontation.
  Truth: Eph 4:15-16; Matt 18:15
• Day 6: I am afraid of making a wrong decision.
  Truth: James 1:5; 2 Tim 1:7; Matthew 25:14-30; Proverbs 16:9
• Day 7: I am afraid of walking in the dark.
  Truth: Psalm 119
• Day 8: I am afraid of being seen.
  Truth: Matthew 5:14-16; Luke 8:16; Philippians 2:15-16; Acts 13: 46-47; Isaiah 42:6
• Day 9: I am afraid of saying the wrong thing.
  Truth: Job 2:11-13; Romans 12:15; James 1:19
• Day 10: I am afraid of looking weak.
   Truth: Judges 6-8;  1 Cor 1:27; Psalms 46:1; Habakkuk 1:11; Psalms 28:7; 1 Peter 4:11; 2 Cor 12:9
• Day 11: I am afraid of not belonging.
  Truth: 1 Cor 3:23; Gal 3:29; Gen 1:16; Gen 2:18;1 John 1:7; Acts 2:42
• Day 12: I am afraid of being angry.
  Truth: Isaiah 30:27; Psalms 145:8; John 2:15; Ephesians 4:26; 1 Samuel 20:34; 1 Samuel 20)
• Day 13: I am afraid of others' anger.
  Truth: James 1:19; Isaiah 41:10-11; Proverbs 15:1; Judges 8:1-3
• Day 14: I am afraid of the king cobra evil.
  Truth: Psalms 23:4; 2 Chronicles 20:9; Psalms 91:10-13; Luke 10:19; Eph 6:10-18
• Day 15: I am afraid of change.
  Truth: Isaiah 43:18-19; Jeremiah 29:11; Isaiah 25:1; Isaiah 42:10
• Day 16: I am afraid of looking foolish.
  Truth: 2 Samuel 6:14; 2 Samuel 6:21-22; John 12:24 Galatians 5:24;  Romans 8:13-15
• Day 17: I am afraid of failure.
  Truth: Ephesians 2:10; Psalm 139:13-15; Genesis 1:31; Romans 3:10; 3:23; Psalms 73:26; Deuteronomy 31:6; 31:8; 1 Chronicles 28:20
• Day 18: I am afraid of flying cockroaches.
  Truth: Genesis 1:28
• Day 19: I am afraid of revealing my emotions.
  Truth: John 11:35; Mark 6:34; Matthew 26:38; John 14:9; Zephaniah 3:17 and many, many others; John 11:33; Genesis 1:26-27; John 12:24; Genesis 2:18; John 10:10
• Day 20: I am afraid of someone seeing my messy house.
  Truth: 1 Peter 4:8-9; 2 Corinthians 5:12; Titus 2:3-5
• Day 21: I am afraid of not being known (feeling alone).
  Truth: Jeremiah 1:5; Psalms 139:1-5; John 15:15; Genesis 2:18; John 19:26; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; 1 Samuel 18-19; 1 Kings 19:15-18
• Day 22: I am afraid of being known.
  Truth: Jeremiah 1:5; John 3:16; Psalms 31:7; Romans 12:15; James 5:16; 1 Kings 19: 15-21
• Day 23: I am afraid of the unknown.
  Truth: Genesis 12:1; 2; Isaiah 42:16; 2 Corinthians 5:7; 2 Corinthians 9:8
• Day 24: I am afraid of not being in control.
  Truth: Job 38:12; 32-35; Proverbs 30:4; Isaiah 45:7; Isaiah 45:1-3; Isaiah 46:8-10
• Day 25: I am afraid of God not speaking to me.
  Truth: Isaiah 41:8-9; Isaiah 43:1; John 10:27; Psalms 22:1-2; Psalms 86:7; Deuteronomy 4:29; Jeremiah 29:13; 2 Chronicles 15:2-4.    
• Day 26: I am afraid of not recognizing God's voice.
  Truth: John 10:4; Hebrews 5:14; Psalm 34:8; Psalms 119:10; 2 Corinthians 2:14; Isaiah 11:3; Acts 26:18; Ephesians 1:18; Psalms 119:18; 2 Chronicles 34:27; Exodus 35:21; Isaiah 55:3; 2 Timothy 3:14-17
• Day 27: I am afraid of being the last to knowTruth: Jeremiah 10:14; Daniel 22:20-23
• Day 28: I am afraid of messing up my kids.Truth: 2 Chronicles 28:1-4; 2 Chronicles 29:1-2; 2 Kings 18:3-7; Zechariah 4:6; Psalms 115:3; Jeremiah 32:27; Philippians 4:6-7)
• Day 29: I am afraid of being stuck (not progressing)
  
• Philippians 4:13; John 15:5; 
• Philippians 1:6; 
Philippians 2:13; Psalms 138:8; Isaiah 64:8; Deuteronomy 32:4; Habakkuk 2:3; Hebrews 10:35-39; Ephesians 3:20-21
• Day 30: I am afraid of desire. 
  Truth: John 5:2-6; Matthew 20:29-32; James 4:2;1 Peter 3:15; John 10:10; Proverbs 13:12
• Day 31: I am afraid of falling.
  Truth: Psalms 20:7-8; Psalms 20:7-8; John 16:33; Deuteronomy 31:8; Psalms 125:1

-jenn