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Friday, October 2, 2015

31Days - WRONG!


We were in the van with my sister's family and mine. The van was full of family and kids. I think some of the kids were watching Ratatouille in the seat behind us. Someone asked what a sous chef was. Someone else volunteered an answer. I wasn't sure it was right, so I googled it. And then I shared what I'd found. It doesn't seem that big of a deal, right? I simply thought the question should be answered correctly. But something in my voice must have given away my joy in being "right," because later someone told me how I'd come across... and about the hurt feelings I'd caused. And then I was asked why I had to google it just to prove I was right. Why did I always have to be right?! Ouch.

It wasn't a one-time thing. It's a lifetime. Always. I must always prove myself right. And the people around me sometimes suffer for it. I usually don't even notice. But that night someone stood up and said, "This... how you make people feel... it isn't right."

So what place does this story have in a series on fear? Stick with me for just a second. I know most people don't like to be wrong. I get that. But my husband will be the first to tell you that my need to be right goes much deeper than most. Much, much deeper. Much stronger. I don't just dislike being wrong. I hate it. Everything in me hates it. And hate... is a fear-based emotion. So... my drive to be "right" is in fact a fight against a deep-seated fear.

My fear for Day Two:
I am afraid of being wrong.

It's a real fear. With some valid reasons behind it. History – my history – proves wrong is dangerous. Wrong hurts. And psychologically I am driven never to be wrong again. That's the fear. And there's some truth in the fear. But what's the real Truth? Truth with a capital T?

Funny, but just last night our devotions included this verse:

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him.... (Philippians 2:1-9)

"Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others."

The truth is – as a pastor once told me – it is not always right to be correct. I know I need to look out for others. I mean to, really, I do. But I want so badly to be correct – to never be wrong again – that I lose sight of that. The fear of being wrong can cause me to put so much effort into protecting myself (by making sure I'm right) that I sin against God. I don't put my trust in Him; I put it on my own ability (to avoid being wrong). And I sin against my brother/sister because in my fear I can walk right over anyone who threatens my belief that I'm right. And so the very thing I use to protect myself ends up actually hurting others... and hurting me. I'm building walls that prevent vulnerability... prevent others from seeing the fear and hurt. The lack of vulnerability prevents connection and relationship. I'm also driving others away with hurtful behavior. And it hurts my relationship with God as I reveal my lack of trust in Him.

And the crazy thing? According to God's word, if I quit working so hard to raise myself up and protect myself and simply attend to the needs of others first, He will raise me up! Both Matthew and Luke record Jesus' warning that whoever exalts himself will be humbled but whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matthew 23:12 and Luke 14:11. See also James 4:10). Even in the Philippians verse above we see that it indicates God highly exalted him (Jesus) because he humbled himself!

This, though, is the verse that I'm really seeing in a new light today:

... and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:5-7)

There is so much in there! I've read it before.  But never really saw it all at the same time before:

  • It echoes Philippians 2:4 in that we are to act with humility and care for others.
  • It promises that if we humble ourselves He will exalt us.
  • It tells me to let Him worry about it all – because He cares for me!

Seriously! How amazing is that? In the middle of telling me to act with humility and care for others, He tells me I don't have to worry about myself because He loves me. He has my back! He knows the fear I have. And He says, "I've got this. You go do your thing, taking care of others, and let Me worry about the rest." He gets me! And He's got my back. Absolutely mind-blowing!

Father God, thank You so much for speaking to me through these verses. Thank you for showing me that You understand my fear. You understand what it costs me to put someone else above my need to protect myself; my need to be "right." And You tell me, "cast all your anxiety on Me because I care for you." I love how You saw it would be hard for me, that I'd be scared, and so you remind me in the midst of telling me to do something hard that I don't have to worry about it, because You love me! Help me to hold to that promise, Father. Help me to hold to that truth. Help me to step forward and be kind rather than right.

Fear: I am afraid of being wrong.

Truth:
  • It isn't always right to be correct."... do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil 2:4)
  • I can trust God to watch out for me as I care for others.... and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:5-7)

-jenn

Note: This post is part of a 31-day writing challenge. Click here to see the rest of the posts on my 31 Days of Fear (and Truth).

1 comment:

  1. As I was growing up and then for 23 years of a horrible marriage being wrong was simply not an option. Thank you again for your post!

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