31Days - Anger (Others')

As I started yesterday's post I wrote,

My fear for Day Twelve: I am afraid of anger.

Any anger. It doesn't matter whether it's mine; whether it's someone else's directed at me; or even someone else's directed at yet someone else (for instance, my husband's anger toward a co-worker or boss). That third-party anger in no way touches me. And yet I withdraw. My heart screams that anger is something to be avoided at all costs.

At the time, I really intended to cover both aspects of anger – mine and others'. But as I researched and wrote I realized that it really needed to be two separate posts.

So my fear for Day Thirteen is again:

I am afraid of anger.

Yesterday I focused my fear of being angry. Today, I want to focus on my fear of others' anger. It's a real fear... with some valid reasons behind it. But what's the real Truth? Truth with a capital T?

Although I don't necessarily like it, I think I have to look at this first:

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
(James 1:19)

I need to consider what's being said.

The Greek word translated as "hear" has the meaning: "to attend to, consider what is or has been said." My first reaction should always be to consider what is being said. In the case of someone approaching me in anger, I need to remember that anger comes from hurt. Hard hurt. What is the source of the hurt? Did I have some part in it? Is there an apology I need to make; forgiveness I need to seek? It's too easy for me to immediately become defensive if faced with anger. I do need to listen and evaluate. Okay... so that's all well and good, but it doesn't really address the fear. So what's the Truth that addresses the fear?

Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Behold, all those who are angered at you will be shamed and dishonored;
Those who contend with you will be as nothing and will perish.
(Isaiah 41:10-11)

Let's unpack this a little:

Do not fear, for I am with you.

It's intimidating to face someone's anger when you are standing alone. But God reminds us that we are never alone. He is there with us.

Do not be anxious for I am your God.

God of the universe, here... All powerful. And He is there.

I will strengthen you... and uphold you with My righteous right hand.

I've heard this before, but I never really fully understood the inference. Just a few verses before in Isaiah 41:7, God talks about the process of making idols (false gods). At the end of the process it says, "And he fastens it with nails, So that it will not totter." Listen to what God is saying! When He tells us He will hold us up, He's painting a picture of contrast. Others trust in gods that have to be held up with nails... but our God holds us up! He has the strength and power to do that... and He is with us! Sorry for all the exclamation points, but I never saw that before and found it a little exciting.

Those who are angered at us will be shamed and dishonored.

God will take care of our enemies. This echoes God's promise to Abraham in Genesis 12:3, where He says: "I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you."

Beyond just telling us that He is with us, though, God gives us advice on how to deal with anger from others:

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
(Proverbs 15:1)

Pretty self-explanatory, right? Unfortunately, it's easier to understand than to do. But God also gives us an example. Let's go back to Judges and look more at the story of Gideon I referenced in Day 10: I am afraid of looking weak:

Then the men of Ephraim said to him, "What is this thing you have done to us, not calling us when you went to fight against Midian?" And they contended with him vigorously. But he said to them, "What have I done now in comparison with you? Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer? "God has given the leaders of Midian, Oreb and Zeeb into your hands; and what was I able to do in comparison with you?" Then their anger toward him subsided when he said that.
(Judges 8:1-3)

Background: Gideon is still chasing the Midianites (with his 300 men). The tribe of Ephraim, meanwhile, has captured two of the fleeing princes (Oreb and Zeeb). When the men of Ephraim bring the heads of the princes to Gideon, they take the opportunity to tell him (rather hotly) just what they think of the fact that they weren't asked to fight in the first place. (Convenient that they're doing this after the Midianites are already fleeing, don't you think?).

The reason the men of Ephraim are upset is simple: pride. They are the strongest tribe of Israel and they weren't included. They feel an insult and a loss of glory. Gideon was just following God's plan. God intentionally wanted the weakest of the weak so His people would know that He delivered them. Gideon knows he was just following God's plan. And he could have answered with just that. But he's a little more diplomatic than that. He knows they haven't completely won the battle yet (they are still chasing the Midianites) and that they need to stay united. He doesn't need internal conflict. Gideon listens to the men of Ephraim in all their raging anger and looks past it to see the hurt (he considered what they were saying!). And he deals with them where they are.

I have to admit that I didn't immediately understand his answer in Judges 8:2. I did some research, though (www.studylight.org is great for this, btw!). So here are the things I found that helped:

1. At this point Gideon hasn't captured the king of Midian.
2. The men of Ephraim, though, have captured two of the princes.
3. "Gleaning" is gathering the leftover grapes.
4. "Vintage" actually refers to the entire grape harvest. (Interestingly, this word is masculine but "gleaning" is feminine!)
5. Abiezer refers to Gideon's clan – the clan Gideon referred to earlier as the weakest clan.

So... when we read:

But he said to them, "What have I done now in comparison with you? Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer? God has given the leaders of Midian, Oreb and Zeeb into your hands; and what was I able to do in comparison with you?"

We can now understand it as "What have I done in comparison with you? You guys came in and the gleanings that you got, the leftovers, are really better than the whole harvest that we took. God has delivered into your hands the princes of Midian, Oreb and Zeeb: what was I able to do in comparison to you?"

He looked at their wounds and put salve on them. He affirmed the importance of their role. He could have pointed out the thousands his men had killed and that they didn't need the men of Ephraim. But he didn't. He showed humility.

He gave a gentle answer and turned away wrath.

Okay. So is a soft answer always going to have the desired result? Probably not. It goes back to what I talked about in Day 5: I am afraid of conflict and confrontation. God tells me what to do. My part is still my part, regardless of what the other person may do.

And in that case I go back to the promises in Isaiah:

Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Behold, all those who are angered at you will be shamed and dishonored;
Those who contend with you will be as nothing and will perish.

God is with me.

Father God, thank you so much for showing me the example of Gideon. Like Jonathon's example of expressing anger, I'd never noticed it before. Thank you, too, for the promise that You are with us; that You will strengthen and hold us when we are facing those who are angry. Help me to remember that whatever I am facing, I am never facing it alone. You are there with me: strengthening and holding me up. I am Your child and You are fiercely protective of me. My God doesn't need nails to hold Him up, He holds me!

Fear: I am afraid of others' anger.

Truth:

• I need to consider what's being said. (James 1:19)
• "Do not fear, for I am with you." (Isaiah 41:10)
• "Do not be anxious for I am your God." (Isaiah 41:10)
• "I will strengthen you... and uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)
• Those who are angered at us will be shamed and dishonored. (Isaiah 41:11)
• "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)
• Gideon gave a gentle answer and turned away wrath. (Judges 8:1-3)
• God is with me. (Isaiah 41:10)

-jenn

Note: This post is part of a 31-day writing challenge. Click here to see the rest of the posts on my 31 Days of Fear (and Truth).