31Days - Looking Foolish

I will dance, I will sing to be mad for my King
Nothing, Lord, is hindering the passion in my soul
I will dance, I will sing to be mad for my King
Nothing, Lord, is hindering the passion in my soul
And I'll become... even more undignified than this
Some would say it's foolishness
But I'll become... even more undignified than this
Leave my pride by the side
And I'll become... even more undignified than this
Some would say it's foolishness
But I'll become... even more undignified than this
(Matt Redman, Undignified)

This was one of the songs I used when I was putting together kids' worship in our church in Texas. We sang it in adult service, too, but I think the kids loved it even more. They at least had a little more freedom with it. It was fun to see their exuberance. I envied it to some extent. Oh could they dance! Body parts flying all over as they wriggled in excitement. No, they wouldn't have won any awards on Dancing with the Stars. But I think God was smiling on it all. I think He tipped back His head and laughed at the joy of HIs children.

When I thought of expressing that kind of freedom myself, though, it wasn't God's laughter I was thinking about. It was the laughter of anyone else that might be in the room. Oh I might occasionally do a little dance in the kitchen – with no one watching. But my body parts wouldn't look so cute wiggling and jiggling. And I was old enough I should've been able to dance better. I was old enough to... act like an adult.

Even as I type that, I hear Jesus praising the way children came to Him... imploring us to come to Him as they did. Ugh. So why do I feel like I have to act like an adult? Maybe because I don't really feel like a capable, mature, adult so I think I have to at least act like I am? Maybe. But there's something else, too.

My fear for Day Sixteen:

I am afraid of looking foolish.

It's a real fear... with some valid reasons behind it. History – my history – proves it can be humiliating to look foolish in front of my peers. So there's some truth in the fear. But what's the real Truth? Truth with a capital T?

Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might....
(2 Samuel 6:14)

David put everything he had into his worship.

Here's the background: David has just brought the ark of God back into Jerusalem after a long absence. He is filled with joy at the fact that the ark – the presence of God Himself – has finally been returned to the Holy City (where it belongs). He couldn't contain his joy and his love of God and had been dancing in the street with the other men as he led the parade through the city. Michal, his wife (and Saul's daughter) saw him from her window and threw a fit:

But when David returned to bless his household, Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, "How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants' maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!"
(2 Samuel 6:20)

Poor guy... he returns home full of joy and expects to share his victory and joy and bless his household. But his wife tears him apart before he even gets in the door (remember, she came out to meet him!). I've heard before that David was dancing in his underwear and I can see how that might be interpreted from Michal's scathing accusations. But if you look at the beginning of the scene above, you see he was in a linen ephod. An ephod is a lightweight, religious piece of clothing worn over a robe. He's not naked, not even close. A piece of religious clothing would have never been worn immodestly. He is dressed as any other worshipper was. And acting as all the other worshipers were. And that was Michal's problem – she couldn't stand that he took off his royal robes to put on a piece of common religious clothing and act as any worshipper. It is not his "nakedness" that bothers her – it's the fact that he wasn't acting as dignified as she believed a king should. It was that God came before throne. So David returned home, full of joy and exuberance, ready to celebrate with his wife and she ripped into him for the very thing which brought him so much joy.

David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord.
(2 Samuel 6:21)

David's worship was for the Lord, not for anyone else.

He's saying, "I wasn't dancing for you or anyone else. I was dancing for God. The God who chose me – not your dad – to rule over His people." I think in a way he's pointing out that God has blessed him and his choices. He may be more undignified than her dad, but:

God sees his love and devotion and is blessing him for it.

And... what's more...

I will become even more undignified than this
(2 Samuel 6:22)

David wasn't out for his wife's approval of his worship... or anyone but God's.

He's telling her, what God sees matters more to me than what you or anyone else thinks. That sounds so good and admirable... until it's my turn to do it. Until I'm standing watching the kids shout "I'll become... even more undignified than this! Some may say it's foolishness" and know in my heart how incredibly hard it would be to surrender to joy the way they do.

David was not doing anything inappropriate or out of context. I'm not encouraging becoming disruptive or inappropriate in a worship service. But... how hard is it sometimes to walk down to the altar to pray in front of everyone? How hard is it to raise your hand in front of everyone? Or... maybe you can do the one-hand thing, but two? Or maybe it's falling on your knees when you consider that the lyrics you are singing talk about that very thing. I'm not the only one who struggles with feeling like everyone else is watching, am I?

So how did David get to that point where he could honestly say that all he cared about was pleasing God, no matter how foolish it may look to others? How do I get there?

I die.

My pastor said something several months ago that stuck with me. He pointed out that when you are dead you don't care how you look. How often are we told in scripture to die to self?

"... Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
(John 12:24)

Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
(Galatians 5:24)

... but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"
(Romans 8:13-15)

I need to crucify my flesh and not live in slavery leading to fear.

In the words of my pastor:

"The more time I spend dying, the more bold I become.
When I'm dead, I don't care... I don't care how foolish I look."

Father God, I admit that I still care too much about what people around me might think. I want to be able to say, like David, that I don't care. But the truth is, I do. I hate the thought of looking foolish. So I've got some dying to do, Lord. It sounds painful. Death isn't easy. It's not something I really want. But I want that exuberance I see in David; the exuberance I saw in the children's faces as they echoed his words in song. So help me to want it badly enough to die enough that I, too, can say with honesty I will celebrate before the LORD, even when it might look foolish to the Michals of the world.

Fear: I am afraid of looking foolish.

Truth:

• David put everything he had into his worship. (2 Samuel 6:14)
• David's worship was for the Lord, not for anyone else. (2 Samuel 6:21)
• God sees his love and devotion and is blessing him for it. (2 Samuel 6:21)
• David wasn't out for his wife's approval of his worship... or anyone but God's. (2 Samuel 6:22)
• I need to crucify my flesh and not live in slavery leading to fear. (John 12:24; Galatians 5:24; Romans 8:13-15)
• "The more time I spend dying, the more bold I become. When I'm dead, I don't care... I don't care how foolish I look.

-jenn

Note: This post is part of a 31-day writing challenge. Click here to see the rest of the posts on my 31 Days of Fear (and Truth).